Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Friday, August 18, 2006
Fantasy League Update - 18 August
It's elementary, my dear Watson, how Holmes is a top 10 Fantasy League playerFantasy League Table
829 H's Heroes
759 James' Batters
716 His Holiness Former Chairmans VI
627 Whitemast's Wonders
521 Xfieldo's Magicians
438 Oggy Dynamoes
86 Senior Select Six
Most Valuable Player Table
532 Beasty
522 Earpy
409 Hatty Moccom
404 Oggy
324 Middy Xfield
304 Tsungy
259 The Skip
236 Tall Paul
222 GazDave
176 Herr Schnelling
Thursday, August 10, 2006
2007 Recruitment Poster Unveiled
Calling all former Chairmen, drunken layabouts and, well, just about anyone; How about playing cricket?
It's fun, it's cricket, it's... well, loads of things. So do as Snelling says, and come and play cricket!
Monday, August 07, 2006
Moseley Sacked & Executed
Miles Moseley was this evening sensationally sacked from his position as Chairman of St Matthews Cricket Club bringing an end to a nine-year reign of depraved debauchery and clubwide moral decline.
A murderous posse of angry members had once again gathered outside the Social Club to heckle as Moseley arrived under an armed escort for the monthly meeting. Dissidents of the Moseley reign had been lobbying weaker members of the committee for months, but this evening came the final blow as former Moseleyites rounded on the under-fire leader.
Outside, what had started out as an angry demonstration by a few members soon grew into an anti-chairman riot that required police intervention. Reports suggest that immediately upon hearing the news of the unrest, Moseley ordered his followers to open fire on demonstrators, however most of the committee present sided with the protesters and the coup was born.
A hurried vote took place and Moseley was officially overthrown at 8.45pm with a statement to that effect read immediately to the rioters. Scenes of jubilation were quickly replaced with a bloodthirsty demand for vengeance as the revolutionaries stormed the meeting and dragged Moseley outside.
A hastily arranged kangaroo court laid charges at Moseley's door ranging from dropping that dolly of a catch to win the game against Beaudesert a decade ago, through to genocide. Found guilty on all charges, despite much more than reasonable doubt being presented, Moseley was sentenced to immediate execution.
Punishment was swiftly actioned as the baying crowd roared on. A loud cheer arose as the severed head was finally displayed on a pike at the entrance to the Social Club while each of his limbs was dispatched to the four corners of Britain as a warning to all who followed him.
As the excitement died down, remaining committee members pondered the state of the club. Rudderless and adrift in stormy waters with a mutanous crew - where next for the good ship St Matthews? "Certainly not Okehampton" commented one...
Friday, July 28, 2006
Porn Mountain Finds New Home?
Strong rumours are presently circulating that the EU Surplus Porn Mountain, which was formally stored at a secret and secure location in Scholars Gate, Burntwood, has been moved under cover of darkness to a new home.
The guardian of the perverse accumulation, known only as M to protect his identity, was today unmoved on the story.
"I don't want to leave anyone in a sticky position over this", M announced through a spokesperson, "I can't understand how you came upon these rumours and I'd like to stiffly bash them on the head right away. If the guardianship of the mountian were to ever pass to another, I'd like to assure you that the press would be informed beforehand".
However, mass debate has broken out following the publication in specialist batsmen's magazine, 'What Stroke' of images of a close associate of M's. Sporting what are claimed to be blisters caused by stroking balls to the boundary, Middy Xfield may have unwittingly exposed himself as the new keeper of the unwholesome volumes of porn.
Our expert in blisters and their causes, Prof. Phil Atio, has examined the images of Xfield and has been able to confirm that no cricket bat would cause that specific kind of injury.
Our attempts to interview Xfield were met with hostility and anger. It's clearly a touchy subject.
The guardian of the perverse accumulation, known only as M to protect his identity, was today unmoved on the story.
"I don't want to leave anyone in a sticky position over this", M announced through a spokesperson, "I can't understand how you came upon these rumours and I'd like to stiffly bash them on the head right away. If the guardianship of the mountian were to ever pass to another, I'd like to assure you that the press would be informed beforehand".
However, mass debate has broken out following the publication in specialist batsmen's magazine, 'What Stroke' of images of a close associate of M's. Sporting what are claimed to be blisters caused by stroking balls to the boundary, Middy Xfield may have unwittingly exposed himself as the new keeper of the unwholesome volumes of porn.
Our expert in blisters and their causes, Prof. Phil Atio, has examined the images of Xfield and has been able to confirm that no cricket bat would cause that specific kind of injury.
Our attempts to interview Xfield were met with hostility and anger. It's clearly a touchy subject.
Probably...
Amazing cricket tour to Barbados...
League cup finalists...
Promotion to Division 1...
Record numbers of playing members...
Cheap beer prices...
Optimism, happiness and joy...
Carlsberg don't do Chairmen, but if they did, they'd probably be the best Chairmen in the World.
League cup finalists...
Promotion to Division 1...
Record numbers of playing members...
Cheap beer prices...
Optimism, happiness and joy...
Carlsberg don't do Chairmen, but if they did, they'd probably be the best Chairmen in the World.
Monday, July 10, 2006
Uproar as Speakers Announced
A press conference at St Matthews was today plunged into chaos as protestors stormed the stage, bringing about an abrupt end to Chairman Moseley's latest ill-informed announcement.
As the leader of the cricket club attempted to unveil the speakers for the 2006 Presentation Evening, the supposedly popular TV duo, Ant & Dec, a masked gang of protestors took to the stage to demand the resignation of the Chairman.
The hour long protest involved much chanting, blood letting, a mock execution and the worship of an image representing somebody called 'AW'.
Translators were not on hand to capture the tiny Geordie men's comments on the sudden interruption, but Moseley moved to assure press reporters that he was confident the twosome would still be appearing later in the year at the Social Club.
Fantasy League Update - 10 July
Fantasy League Table
570 H's Heroes
480 James' Batters
478 His Holiness Life Chairmans VI
444 Whitemast's Wonders
423 Xfieldo's Magicians
383 Oggy Dynamoes
86 Senior Select Six
Most Valuable Player Table
384 Beasty
376 Oggy
344 Hatty Moccom
297 Earpy
242 The Skip
220 Middy Xfield
161 Herr Schnelling
152 Tungy
143 GazDave
124 Tall Paul
Saturday, June 24, 2006
World Cup 2006
The World Cup is well underway, so roving reporter, Stan Whitemast has reviewed some of the World's leading teams and drawn some startling comparisons to SMHCC members!
England - Rich
Won something decades ago, then spent years in the wilderness until returning as a genuine contender for awards.
Argentina - Gaz/Dave
On their day, utterly magnificent World beaters. Not on their day, virtually useless.
Trinidad & Tobago - Bake
Maintains a generally laid-back approach to games. What's the hurry?
Mexico - Paul
Used to playing at high altitude.
Australia - Matty Hoccom
Tipped to be a strong contender one day, but for now takes a regular hammering.
Brazil - Oggy
Good technique, wears yellow a lot and is always winning trophies.
Italy - Beasty
Spends most of the time diving on the floor, often in the running for silverware although has been involved in bribery and corruption scandals in the past.
Cameroon - Tungy
A bold, gallant style. A style that often fails.
Germany - Middy Xfield
Always in the running for trophies but with dubious hairstyles.
Spain - Earpy
Looks good, but rarely wins anything. Another one that spends a lot of time diving on the floor.
France - Math
Good with wine. On the pitch, only ever performs well in short spells.
Japan - Tambo
Stereotypically short in stature.
Columbia - Chris
Traditionally long haired and smoking funny smelling fags.
Eire - Steve R
Serves up a lot of Guiness.
USA - Miles
Off the field a superpower. On the field, weak.
Uruguay - HT
Won things many years ago, does very little these days.
England - Rich
Won something decades ago, then spent years in the wilderness until returning as a genuine contender for awards.
Argentina - Gaz/Dave
On their day, utterly magnificent World beaters. Not on their day, virtually useless.
Trinidad & Tobago - Bake
Maintains a generally laid-back approach to games. What's the hurry?
Mexico - Paul
Used to playing at high altitude.
Australia - Matty Hoccom
Tipped to be a strong contender one day, but for now takes a regular hammering.
Brazil - Oggy
Good technique, wears yellow a lot and is always winning trophies.
Italy - Beasty
Spends most of the time diving on the floor, often in the running for silverware although has been involved in bribery and corruption scandals in the past.
Cameroon - Tungy
A bold, gallant style. A style that often fails.
Germany - Middy Xfield
Always in the running for trophies but with dubious hairstyles.
Spain - Earpy
Looks good, but rarely wins anything. Another one that spends a lot of time diving on the floor.
France - Math
Good with wine. On the pitch, only ever performs well in short spells.
Japan - Tambo
Stereotypically short in stature.
Columbia - Chris
Traditionally long haired and smoking funny smelling fags.
Eire - Steve R
Serves up a lot of Guiness.
USA - Miles
Off the field a superpower. On the field, weak.
Uruguay - HT
Won things many years ago, does very little these days.
Fantasy League Update - 24 June
Fantasy League Table
433 H's Heroes
403 James' Batters
379 Xfieldo's Magicians
359 His Holiness Life Chairman's VI
339 Whitemast's Wonders
266 Oggy Dynamoes
86 Senior Select Six
Most Valuable Player Table (Top 8)
259 Hatty Moccom
255 Beasty
242 The Skip
241 Oggy
235 Earpy
143 GazDave
121 Middy Xfield
110 Herr Schnelling
Thursday, June 01, 2006
League Table - 1st June
With literally a couple of games played, the SMHCCFL table is already looking pretty stagnant.
Young pretender, James Earp leads the way after both games so far this season while Chairman Miles Moseley's selection languishes in penultimate position, marginally ahead of joke side, Senior Select Six.
Star Player, Oggy Dyet is the current Fantasy League MVP.
Table:
227 James' Batters
216 Whitemast's Wonders
168 Oggy Dynamoes
117 H's Heroes
102 Xfieldo's Magicians
72 His Holiness Life Chairman's VI
61 Senior Select Six
New players are also available on the player list and include Chris Homer, Steve Royston, Ian Hudson and Luke. All fees for these are just £1!
Monday, May 01, 2006
Teenage Yob Speaks
"I love a good ruck, me" yells St Matthew's very own teenage yob, Matty Hoccom as he leads a charge of like minded hoodlums onto the Chasetown pitch. "It's where the action's at" he screams to this reporter as he hurls his beer glass at the fleeing opposition players.
Taking a break from the maul that'd broken out near the players' tunnel, Hoccom briefly explained his philosophy.
"It's all about them and us, innit. If you give them a chance to hurt you, they would, so I always make sure I get the first blow in then scarper sharpish. It's no different to playing cricket y'know. There you get eight overs to inflict as much harm on the batsman as you can - I don't bother bowling at the stumps, where's the fun in that? When it comes round to batting, pad yourself up well and get out as quickly as possible has always been my motto."
Then, just as this reporter began to gain insight into the seedy world of violence Hoccom leads, the mounted police arrive to break up the gang of thugs and as the roit police move in on the now isolated groups, leader of the gang, Hoccom slips silently away evading capture once again.
Friday, April 14, 2006
Looking Ahead To The New Season
This website is delighted to announce that it's been granted exclusive access to Chairman of selectors, HT part-time barmen from Chorley and leading player, parapsychologist and amateur fortune teller, Dr Math Snelling's personal insights into their predictions for the season ahead.
"It's going to be a tough season" says HT, as he pours himself a large vodka, "but I think our lads have the spirit, enthusiasm and ability to work through the difficult games ahead and gain us a promotion place."
However, Dr Snelling is less optimistic. "I can't see us even fielding a full team for the first game. We're doomed. I doubt we shall see the season out. In fact, I shall propose to the committee that we abandon the season and apply to build houses on the square. At least that way we'll get some sort of return for our efforts."
The pair of experts then gave their opinions on individual performers...
Oggy
HT says: He's the stalwart of our team. My prediction for top run scorer
MS says: I predict doom. How long can he continue to carry this club? It's all coming to an end - I can feel it.
Beasty
HT says: He's gone from strength to strength to become a rock for this club. Will score big again this year.
MS says: Beasty's ridden his luck for far too long. The bubble's going to burst this year with a very large bang.
Rich
HT says: We've finally got another skipper who's dedicated to the job for the long term. We're flourishing under Rich.
MS says: He'll jack it all in, just like the rest. We might as well all go home now.
Xfield
HT says: The best left-arm spinner at the club in modern history and a cracking batsman too. Big runs this year.
MS says: We've got better opposition this year, just wait until they get hold of Xfield's lobbedy spin. There'll be dollar signs in eyes everywhere!
Earpy
HT says: He's a man you can turn to in times of need for crucial runs or wickets. He'll be a key player this season.
MS says: Too slow in the field, too expensive with the ball and has more ducks than there are down at Chasewater. NEXT!
Hoccom
HT says: I predict big things from this youngster. A bowler very much in the Tisdale mould with plenty of wickets in him this term.
MS says: A yooof!? What do you ever win with yooofs? We'll train him up only to see him disappear to university. Why bother?
Tsungy
HT says: Another one that'll blossom this coming season. Athletic in the field, safe hands and due his maiden half-century this year.
MS says: Having spent last season as Ruscoe's run-out fodder, I predict very much the same again this time around
Snelling
HT says: I think Math's experience combined with his cunning guile with the ball will prove invaluable once again this year.
MS says: I suppose someone needs to save the day.
Holmes
HT says: I reckon that he'll be back to the form that had him opening the batting, or my name isn't HT part-time barman from Chorley.
MS says: I think we've finally replaced the loss of Tambo's regular efforts.
Haywood
HT says: He's bowling fast, he's batting hard and he's taking storming catches again. Big, big season for George, mark my words.
MS says: He's past it, over the hill, washed up, call it what you will. Might've made an impact as a second change bowler if we had any opening or first change bowlers.
Hancox
HT says: However many games he plays this year he'll emulate the success he's had in previous seasons. Naturally gifted and will score many runs.
MS says: He's lost interest, the opposition's too hard. He wont be back until there's some kids to spank all around the park.
Moseley
HT says: He rose from the dead and the people did rejoice. No, not Miles, but it will be after this season is complete.
MS says: Now we're scraping the barrel. Who's next for a comeback? Lawrence?
Wilmshurst
HT says: A youth very much in the tradition of St Matthew's youths. I predict that the latest JW to join our ranks will be an asset again this year.
MS says: More yooofs. Where's this club heading?
Cattell
HT says: Bob's a leader of men, skilled with both bat and ball and more knowledgeable than your average Encyclopedia. He'll be a key player
MS says: It's only a matter of time before people see Bob for what he is. What sort of bowler bowls 'over the wicket'?
Friday, March 31, 2006
Saints Sixes
Welcome to the 2006 SMHCC Fantasy League!
Once again, to keep things all nice and fresh, there are slight changes to the format for this year's Fantasy League. This year's competition is based on the ever-popular(?) six-a-side version of the game and as such, you'll need to pick, erm, six players for your Fantasy League team.
You'll need to select;
2 Batsmen
2 Bowlers
1 Fielder &
1 Top Trophy
There is also a strict budget to stick to this year. You may spend up to £25 on appearance fees for each week and not a penny more - which may make things a little tough when you consider that miserly Scotsman, Oggy Dyet wont get out of bed for less than £9 a game if you want him as a batsman!
Once you've made your selections, stick them on an email to smhccfl@hotmail.com along with your name and your chosen team name.
Details of point scoring
Batsmen: Gain 1 point for each run scored. £1 and £2 rated batsmen score triple points for each run!
Bowlers: Gain 15 points for each wicket taken. £1 and £2 rated bowlers score triple points for each wicket taken!
Fielders: Gain 30 points for each outfield catch (not wicketkeepers, Oggy!)
Top Trophy: Gain 25 points for each of the post-match awards (from MOtM, SoC, Nail, Middle Stump and Champagne Moment)
Rules
1. Teams will have 2 Batsmen, 2 Bowlers, 1 Fielder and 1 Top Trophy. The budget shall not exceed £25.
2. Mid-season changes can be made at any time, however for each change made, you lose £1 from your player budget.
3. We use the details from the scorebook to calculate scores - if stats are missing from the scorebook, they cannot be calculated for Fantasy League points.
4. Ratings have been decided on a whim - at no point are they meant to reflect actual abilities.
5. The Fantasy League Admin's decisions are final. Correspondence may be entered into, but will conclude in abuse.
6. Only valid teams complying with all rules herein will be entered into the Fantasy League.
7. If there is a player not listed, just ask and they can be added.
8. All entries to the Fantasy League should be made before the season begins. Late entries will be accepted but will cause a major headache.
9. There is no entry fee, thus, there are no prizes - like it or lump it. The glory of victory should be all you need.
10. Once you've picked your team, email it to smhccfl@hotmail.com
Player Ratings
Batting
£9 Stewart Dyet
£7 Neil Ruscoe
£7 Matt Crossfield
£6 Jon Hancox
£6 George Haywood
£5 Stephen Earp
£4 Richard Ebdon
£4 Bob Cattell
£3 Miles Moseley
£3 Alex Tsung
£2 Phil Thompson
£2 Matthew Snelling
£2 Matthew Hoccom
£2 Gary Holmes
£1 Paul Tams
£1 Nick Jennings
£1 Matthew Waldron
£1 Luke Crossfield
£1 Lawrence Wood
£1 Kev Westwood
£1 Joe Chamberlin
£1 Jim Waldron
£1 James Wilmshurst
£1 Ian Baker
£1 Dave Lunn
£1 Craig Dutton
£1 Andy Pointon
£1 Alex Rankin
£1 Alan Cave
Bowling
£8 Richard Ebdon
£7 Matt Crossfield
£7 George Haywood
£6 Neil Ruscoe
£5 Stephen Earp
£5 Matthew Snelling
£4 Bob Cattell
£4 Stewart Dyet
£3 Miles Moseley
£3 Matthew Hoccom
£2 Kev Westwood
£2 Jim Waldron
£2 Andy Pointon
£2 Alex Tsung
£1 Phil Thompson
£1 Paul Tams
£1 Nick Jennings
£1 Matthew Waldron
£1 Luke Crossfield
£1 Lawrence Wood
£1 Jon Hancox
£1 Joe Chamberlin
£1 James Wilmshurst
£1 Ian Baker
£1 Gary Holmes
£1 Dave Lunn
£1 Craig Dutton
£1 Alex Rankin
£1 Alan Cave
Fielding
£7 Neil Ruscoe
£7 George Haywood
£6 Alex Tsung
£5 Stephen Earp
£5 Richard Ebdon
£4 Matthew Hoccom
£4 Stewart Dyet
£4 Matt Crossfield
£3 Phil Thompson
£3 Matthew Snelling
£3 Jon Hancox
£3 Gary Holmes
£3 Bob Cattell
£2 Miles Moseley
£2 James Wilmshurst
£2 Craig Dutton
£1 Paul Tams
£1 Nick Jennings
£1 Matthew Waldron
£1 Luke Crossfield
£1 Lawrence Wood
£1 Kev Westwood
£1 Joe Chamberlin
£1 Jim Waldron
£1 Ian Baker
£1 Dave Lunn
£1 Andy Pointon
£1 Alex Rankin
£1 Alan Cave
Top Trophy
£6 Stewart Dyet
£6 Matthew Snelling
£5 Stephen Earp
£5 Miles Moseley
£5 Matt Crossfield
£5 Gary Holmes
£4 Richard Ebdon
£4 Neil Ruscoe
£4 Jon Hancox
£4 George Haywood
£3 Bob Cattell
£2 Phil Thompson
£2 Matthew Hoccom
£2 Alex Tsung
£1 Kev Westwood
£1 James Wilmshurst
£1 Craig Dutton
£1 Andy Pointon
£1 Paul Tams
£1 Nick Jennings
£1 Matthew Waldron
£1 Luke Crossfield
£1 Lawrence Wood
£1 Joe Chamberlin
£1 Jim Waldron
£1 Ian Baker
£1 Dave Lunn
£1 Barry Ebdon
£1 Alex Rankin
£1 Alan Cave
Remember to keep to the £25 budget! Once you've picked your team, email it to smhccfl@hotmail.com
Once again, to keep things all nice and fresh, there are slight changes to the format for this year's Fantasy League. This year's competition is based on the ever-popular(?) six-a-side version of the game and as such, you'll need to pick, erm, six players for your Fantasy League team.
You'll need to select;
2 Batsmen
2 Bowlers
1 Fielder &
1 Top Trophy
There is also a strict budget to stick to this year. You may spend up to £25 on appearance fees for each week and not a penny more - which may make things a little tough when you consider that miserly Scotsman, Oggy Dyet wont get out of bed for less than £9 a game if you want him as a batsman!
Once you've made your selections, stick them on an email to smhccfl@hotmail.com along with your name and your chosen team name.
Details of point scoring
Batsmen: Gain 1 point for each run scored. £1 and £2 rated batsmen score triple points for each run!
Bowlers: Gain 15 points for each wicket taken. £1 and £2 rated bowlers score triple points for each wicket taken!
Fielders: Gain 30 points for each outfield catch (not wicketkeepers, Oggy!)
Top Trophy: Gain 25 points for each of the post-match awards (from MOtM, SoC, Nail, Middle Stump and Champagne Moment)
Rules
1. Teams will have 2 Batsmen, 2 Bowlers, 1 Fielder and 1 Top Trophy. The budget shall not exceed £25.
2. Mid-season changes can be made at any time, however for each change made, you lose £1 from your player budget.
3. We use the details from the scorebook to calculate scores - if stats are missing from the scorebook, they cannot be calculated for Fantasy League points.
4. Ratings have been decided on a whim - at no point are they meant to reflect actual abilities.
5. The Fantasy League Admin's decisions are final. Correspondence may be entered into, but will conclude in abuse.
6. Only valid teams complying with all rules herein will be entered into the Fantasy League.
7. If there is a player not listed, just ask and they can be added.
8. All entries to the Fantasy League should be made before the season begins. Late entries will be accepted but will cause a major headache.
9. There is no entry fee, thus, there are no prizes - like it or lump it. The glory of victory should be all you need.
10. Once you've picked your team, email it to smhccfl@hotmail.com
Player Ratings
Batting
£9 Stewart Dyet
£7 Neil Ruscoe
£7 Matt Crossfield
£6 Jon Hancox
£6 George Haywood
£5 Stephen Earp
£4 Richard Ebdon
£4 Bob Cattell
£3 Miles Moseley
£3 Alex Tsung
£2 Phil Thompson
£2 Matthew Snelling
£2 Matthew Hoccom
£2 Gary Holmes
£1 Paul Tams
£1 Nick Jennings
£1 Matthew Waldron
£1 Luke Crossfield
£1 Lawrence Wood
£1 Kev Westwood
£1 Joe Chamberlin
£1 Jim Waldron
£1 James Wilmshurst
£1 Ian Baker
£1 Dave Lunn
£1 Craig Dutton
£1 Andy Pointon
£1 Alex Rankin
£1 Alan Cave
Bowling
£8 Richard Ebdon
£7 Matt Crossfield
£7 George Haywood
£6 Neil Ruscoe
£5 Stephen Earp
£5 Matthew Snelling
£4 Bob Cattell
£4 Stewart Dyet
£3 Miles Moseley
£3 Matthew Hoccom
£2 Kev Westwood
£2 Jim Waldron
£2 Andy Pointon
£2 Alex Tsung
£1 Phil Thompson
£1 Paul Tams
£1 Nick Jennings
£1 Matthew Waldron
£1 Luke Crossfield
£1 Lawrence Wood
£1 Jon Hancox
£1 Joe Chamberlin
£1 James Wilmshurst
£1 Ian Baker
£1 Gary Holmes
£1 Dave Lunn
£1 Craig Dutton
£1 Alex Rankin
£1 Alan Cave
Fielding
£7 Neil Ruscoe
£7 George Haywood
£6 Alex Tsung
£5 Stephen Earp
£5 Richard Ebdon
£4 Matthew Hoccom
£4 Stewart Dyet
£4 Matt Crossfield
£3 Phil Thompson
£3 Matthew Snelling
£3 Jon Hancox
£3 Gary Holmes
£3 Bob Cattell
£2 Miles Moseley
£2 James Wilmshurst
£2 Craig Dutton
£1 Paul Tams
£1 Nick Jennings
£1 Matthew Waldron
£1 Luke Crossfield
£1 Lawrence Wood
£1 Kev Westwood
£1 Joe Chamberlin
£1 Jim Waldron
£1 Ian Baker
£1 Dave Lunn
£1 Andy Pointon
£1 Alex Rankin
£1 Alan Cave
Top Trophy
£6 Stewart Dyet
£6 Matthew Snelling
£5 Stephen Earp
£5 Miles Moseley
£5 Matt Crossfield
£5 Gary Holmes
£4 Richard Ebdon
£4 Neil Ruscoe
£4 Jon Hancox
£4 George Haywood
£3 Bob Cattell
£2 Phil Thompson
£2 Matthew Hoccom
£2 Alex Tsung
£1 Kev Westwood
£1 James Wilmshurst
£1 Craig Dutton
£1 Andy Pointon
£1 Paul Tams
£1 Nick Jennings
£1 Matthew Waldron
£1 Luke Crossfield
£1 Lawrence Wood
£1 Joe Chamberlin
£1 Jim Waldron
£1 Ian Baker
£1 Dave Lunn
£1 Barry Ebdon
£1 Alex Rankin
£1 Alan Cave
Remember to keep to the £25 budget! Once you've picked your team, email it to smhccfl@hotmail.com
Friday, March 24, 2006
Saturday, March 04, 2006
Chairman in Peak Condition
Chaiman, Miles Moseley, this morning gave an exclusive interview to this website in an attempt to ease fears over his fitness ahead of the new season.
"I took a year out from playing last summer, but it wasn't wasted time. I was in the gym every day lifting weights and pumping hard and pounding the road on a 5-mile jog each morning too. In fact, I've never been fitter."
This reporter managed to catch Moseley as he completed his morning work out and asked him about his hopes for the year ahead.
"On a personal level, I feel I will be able to return to the team and restore it to the same level as when I left. Last season was a clear failure and it is no coincidence that I was the only alteration to the squad from the previous season. I've been training alone this winter, mainly doing a lot of ball work, and I think you will agree that I am still the perfect physical specimin."
Indeed, it clearly showed that Moseley has been working out a lot, however this reporter did notice a slight bias in the final result towards certain muscles.
"Of course", he continues, "there is only so much training you can do alone, but I'm looking forward to getting my whites on, getting out there and strong-arming the team to victory once again."
"I took a year out from playing last summer, but it wasn't wasted time. I was in the gym every day lifting weights and pumping hard and pounding the road on a 5-mile jog each morning too. In fact, I've never been fitter."
This reporter managed to catch Moseley as he completed his morning work out and asked him about his hopes for the year ahead.
"On a personal level, I feel I will be able to return to the team and restore it to the same level as when I left. Last season was a clear failure and it is no coincidence that I was the only alteration to the squad from the previous season. I've been training alone this winter, mainly doing a lot of ball work, and I think you will agree that I am still the perfect physical specimin."
Indeed, it clearly showed that Moseley has been working out a lot, however this reporter did notice a slight bias in the final result towards certain muscles.
"Of course", he continues, "there is only so much training you can do alone, but I'm looking forward to getting my whites on, getting out there and strong-arming the team to victory once again."
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
D - I - S - C - O
The Riddings' Roving Reporter, Stan Whitemast can reveal that he has unearthed rare footage from the Paul Tams School of Disco Dancing.
Dubbed into an as of yet unidentified Eastern European language, Tams can clearly be seen strutting his funky stuff on the dance floor and passing on his sharp moves in this beginners version of his exclusive videotape collection which dates back to the late 70s.
Tams was of course forced to remove from sale the Advanced Disco Dancing course from his video collection following complaints of injuries sustained by students and there then followed an intense courtroom battle as John Travolta defended claims of 'copyright infringement of dance moves' executed during the well known film, 'Saturday Night Fever' which were allegedly lifted from Tams' own banned works.
Tams eventually settled out of court but the damage was done and while Travolta went on to become a legend in the world of Disco, the Paul Tams School of Disco Dancing slowly collapsed until he was finally forced to sell the rights to Lithuanian based, 'Velnio Video' in 1987.
Click Here fo The Paul Tams School of Disco Dancing
Dubbed into an as of yet unidentified Eastern European language, Tams can clearly be seen strutting his funky stuff on the dance floor and passing on his sharp moves in this beginners version of his exclusive videotape collection which dates back to the late 70s.
Tams was of course forced to remove from sale the Advanced Disco Dancing course from his video collection following complaints of injuries sustained by students and there then followed an intense courtroom battle as John Travolta defended claims of 'copyright infringement of dance moves' executed during the well known film, 'Saturday Night Fever' which were allegedly lifted from Tams' own banned works.
Tams eventually settled out of court but the damage was done and while Travolta went on to become a legend in the world of Disco, the Paul Tams School of Disco Dancing slowly collapsed until he was finally forced to sell the rights to Lithuanian based, 'Velnio Video' in 1987.
Click Here fo The Paul Tams School of Disco Dancing
Monday, January 23, 2006
Saints Cinematic Studios
Saints Cinematic Studios are proud to announce the release of their finest work to date. Hot on the heels of recent film releases, 'Lord of the Riddings', 'The Attempted Silencing of the Lamb', 'Sending Lawrence to Arabia' and the epic, 'Schnelling's List' comes a certain box office smash hit remake of 70's cop show, Starsky and Hutch.
Fans will love the gritty, often violent, plotlines, comic banter, and, particularly, the close, devoted, and enduring friendship between Starsky and Hutch. Devotees of cheesy 70's police chases should make sure they don't miss Starsky, Hutch and their underworld contact, Huggy Chair as they star in this entertaining new remake.
Fans will love the gritty, often violent, plotlines, comic banter, and, particularly, the close, devoted, and enduring friendship between Starsky and Hutch. Devotees of cheesy 70's police chases should make sure they don't miss Starsky, Hutch and their underworld contact, Huggy Chair as they star in this entertaining new remake.
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
New Season = New Players?
After last season's dismal and pitiful attempts to convince former England test star, Devon Malcolm to sign for the Mighty Saints, we can reveal that Chairman Moseley has once again been scouring Eastern Europe for cheap imports.
Captain Richard Ebdon told this website, "I'm disappointed to say the least. The Chairman has ignored my pleas to avoid the Eastern Bloc at all costs! Look at the last import he had join us, he was useless!"
Indeed the little-known Russian, Miloslav Moslev, was singularly un-razor like in his all round game and at no point lived up to the pre-season hype created by Moseley. Scoring less than 100 runs in the entire season at an average of a meagre 8.36, Moslev was sent home in disgrace just half way through his lucrative 2 year contract.
As he prepares to jet out on yet another scouting mission to the cricket-deprived lands of afar, the news that Moseley is continuing in his Eastern European follies will only add to the growing calls for his resignation.
Captain Richard Ebdon told this website, "I'm disappointed to say the least. The Chairman has ignored my pleas to avoid the Eastern Bloc at all costs! Look at the last import he had join us, he was useless!"
Indeed the little-known Russian, Miloslav Moslev, was singularly un-razor like in his all round game and at no point lived up to the pre-season hype created by Moseley. Scoring less than 100 runs in the entire season at an average of a meagre 8.36, Moslev was sent home in disgrace just half way through his lucrative 2 year contract.
As he prepares to jet out on yet another scouting mission to the cricket-deprived lands of afar, the news that Moseley is continuing in his Eastern European follies will only add to the growing calls for his resignation.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
