England - Rich
Won something decades ago, then spent years in the wilderness until returning as a genuine contender for awards.
Argentina - Gaz/Dave
On their day, utterly magnificent World beaters. Not on their day, virtually useless.
Trinidad & Tobago - Bake
Maintains a generally laid-back approach to games. What's the hurry?
Mexico - Paul
Used to playing at high altitude.
Australia - Matty Hoccom
Tipped to be a strong contender one day, but for now takes a regular hammering.
Brazil - Oggy
Good technique, wears yellow a lot and is always winning trophies.
Italy - Beasty
Spends most of the time diving on the floor, often in the running for silverware although has been involved in bribery and corruption scandals in the past.
Cameroon - Tungy
A bold, gallant style. A style that often fails.
Germany - Middy Xfield
Always in the running for trophies but with dubious hairstyles.
Spain - Earpy
Looks good, but rarely wins anything. Another one that spends a lot of time diving on the floor.
France - Math
Good with wine. On the pitch, only ever performs well in short spells.
Japan - Tambo
Stereotypically short in stature.
Columbia - Chris
Traditionally long haired and smoking funny smelling fags.
Eire - Steve R
Serves up a lot of Guiness.
USA - Miles
Off the field a superpower. On the field, weak.
Uruguay - HT
Won things many years ago, does very little these days.
