A Step Down Memory Lane

This reporter has few actual memories of this, just a hazy recollection of lost weekends, gatecrashed weddings, much lager and a couple of now former players with trousers round their ankles on the dancefloor...



...Possibly best left in the past then!

Clash Recreation

Did you miss last Saturday's mighty David v Goliath clash between Chris Earp and Beasty? Did you miss the sickening crash, the crumpled heap of bodies and the squealing pain one of them was left in?


Then fear not, for the SMHCC Fantasy League Website has spared no expense in hiring a film producer to shoot a dramatisation of the event.

Cannes festival, here we come...

The Great Xfieldo - Yet Again!

Ladies and Gentlemen, for your continued entertainment, please welcome to the FL Blog site the most talented illusionist, magician and all round entertainer ever to grace The Riddings. Once again, prepare to be amazed by The Great Xfieldo and his magical mind-numbing powers.



Using nothing but the power of his mind and the gaze of his mystical eyes, The Great Xfieldo will take control of your body movement away from you. Prepare to be amazed!

1. Raise your right leg and start rotating your foot in a clockwise direction.

2. Raise your right hand and simulate writing the number 6 in the air three times.

3. BE AMAZED! The Great Xfieldo has taken control of your foot - it is now moving in an ANTI-CLOCKWISE DIRECTION!!!

Xfield's Pedalo Shame

2007 St Matthews Vice-Skipper Middy Xfield was today "upset and embarrassed" as reports that he fell off a pedalo and got into difficulties in the water in the early hours of the morning.

Xfield was reputedly one of several Saints stars involved in a late night drinking session which lasted into the early hours of the morning at the 7s nightclub.

Witnesses then said he made his way to Chasewater where he commendeered and dragged a pedalo from the beach to the water. Some time later he was seen rocking it from side to side until it capsized and rescue services were called to pull him from the water.

Part-time barman from Chorley and Chairman of Selectors, HT said: "The conduct of the player was unacceptable and falls below the high standards of behaviour required of St Matthews cricketers. Xfield has been given warnings for previous incidents of this nature and in light of this and due to the serious nature of the incident, we have decided to take further disciplinary action against him."

However, legendary drinker and occasional left-arm off spinner Beasty Ruscoe was more supportive of his vice-skipper: "I'm laughing. I find it all quite amusing and a total over-reaction. OK, there's 24 hours until the next net session but people react in different ways. Some players go to bed at 10.30pm tired, some go out and have a drink. Xfield's mistake was getting caught!"

An ode to Big M

Fantasy League Update - 18 August

It's elementary, my dear Watson, how Holmes is a top 10 Fantasy League player


Fantasy League Table

829 H's Heroes
759 James' Batters
716 His Holiness Former Chairmans VI
627 Whitemast's Wonders
521 Xfieldo's Magicians
438 Oggy Dynamoes
86 Senior Select Six

Most Valuable Player Table

532 Beasty
522 Earpy
409 Hatty Moccom
404 Oggy
324 Middy Xfield
304 Tsungy
259 The Skip
236 Tall Paul
222 GazDave
176 Herr Schnelling

2007 Recruitment Poster Unveiled

Calling all former Chairmen, drunken layabouts and, well, just about anyone; How about playing cricket?

It's fun, it's cricket, it's... well, loads of things. So do as Snelling says, and come and play cricket!

Moseley Sacked & Executed

Miles Moseley was this evening sensationally sacked from his position as Chairman of St Matthews Cricket Club bringing an end to a nine-year reign of depraved debauchery and clubwide moral decline.

A murderous posse of angry members had once again gathered outside the Social Club to heckle as Moseley arrived under an armed escort for the monthly meeting. Dissidents of the Moseley reign had been lobbying weaker members of the committee for months, but this evening came the final blow as former Moseleyites rounded on the under-fire leader.

Outside, what had started out as an angry demonstration by a few members soon grew into an anti-chairman riot that required police intervention. Reports suggest that immediately upon hearing the news of the unrest, Moseley ordered his followers to open fire on demonstrators, however most of the committee present sided with the protesters and the coup was born.

A hurried vote took place and Moseley was officially overthrown at 8.45pm with a statement to that effect read immediately to the rioters. Scenes of jubilation were quickly replaced with a bloodthirsty demand for vengeance as the revolutionaries stormed the meeting and dragged Moseley outside.

A hastily arranged kangaroo court laid charges at Moseley's door ranging from dropping that dolly of a catch to win the game against Beaudesert a decade ago, through to genocide. Found guilty on all charges, despite much more than reasonable doubt being presented, Moseley was sentenced to immediate execution.

Punishment was swiftly actioned as the baying crowd roared on. A loud cheer arose as the severed head was finally displayed on a pike at the entrance to the Social Club while each of his limbs was dispatched to the four corners of Britain as a warning to all who followed him.

As the excitement died down, remaining committee members pondered the state of the club. Rudderless and adrift in stormy waters with a mutanous crew - where next for the good ship St Matthews? "Certainly not Okehampton" commented one...

Porn Mountain Finds New Home?

Strong rumours are presently circulating that the EU Surplus Porn Mountain, which was formally stored at a secret and secure location in Scholars Gate, Burntwood, has been moved under cover of darkness to a new home.

The guardian of the perverse accumulation, known only as M to protect his identity, was today unmoved on the story.

"I don't want to leave anyone in a sticky position over this", M announced through a spokesperson, "I can't understand how you came upon these rumours and I'd like to stiffly bash them on the head right away. If the guardianship of the mountian were to ever pass to another, I'd like to assure you that the press would be informed beforehand".

However, mass debate has broken out following the publication in specialist batsmen's magazine, 'What Stroke' of images of a close associate of M's. Sporting what are claimed to be blisters caused by stroking balls to the boundary, Middy Xfield may have unwittingly exposed himself as the new keeper of the unwholesome volumes of porn.

Our expert in blisters and their causes, Prof. Phil Atio, has examined the images of Xfield and has been able to confirm that no cricket bat would cause that specific kind of injury.

Our attempts to interview Xfield were met with hostility and anger. It's clearly a touchy subject.

Probably...

Amazing cricket tour to Barbados...

League cup finalists...

Promotion to Division 1...

Record numbers of playing members...

Cheap beer prices...

Optimism, happiness and joy...



Carlsberg don't do Chairmen, but if they did, they'd probably be the best Chairmen in the World.